Am I Judas?

By A. Schwarz

Who am I as Christian? Am I like John, preaching the coming of the King with a zealous heart? Perhaps like Paul, who traveled their known world to eagerly spread the news of Christ? Or maybe even Mary, who was found favored in the sight of God?...

Or, am I more like Thomas, who doubted the amazing news of Jesus’ resurrection and refused to believe until he could physically see Him? Maybe more along the lines of Judas, who, faced with the prospect to gain, was willing to betray Him who would so call him his beloved? But possibly even Peter who denied even knowing or associating himself with Jesus out of fear for his own safety?

I would like to boldly declare myself with the faith of John, or Paul, or Mary, but the truth is that I am much more like that of Thomas, Judas, and Peter. Too often, (and by that, meaning almost constantly) I am rather in a state of self-satisfaction; my thoughts, actions, words all seem to reflect a selfish ambition, unwilling to give over any minute speck of control. Oh you can commune with Christ but still deny and betray Him; it doesn’t make you immune! These three men walked with Jesus for three years, and yet stumbled due to their own flesh! How much more then, do I fail every day to live unhindered in my faith and relationship with Him?

I don’t know about you, but don’t you want to be living in that state of constant communion with Christ?! To be filled with passion through the Holy Spirit and His love? I don’t want to be a Christian who backs away from their faith due to pride, earthly desires, or fears. I want to be as David says; “You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.” (Psalm 27:8)

The exciting thing to think about is the fact that we can constantly draw closer to Christ. It never reaches a peak, but continues to grow brighter and brighter. It is a thing that we are constantly striving after, to press onward toward Christ Jesus;

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself." Philippians 3:12-21.

For we know that Jesus is coming again soon, and such a glorious day it is going to be! I want to walk with my eyes fixed on Him, throwing off all hindrances, and following His call daily. I want to have that zeal and passion of Paul and John as they let the Holy Spirit guide them in their lives, and not a conditional passion, but an overflowing, and overwhelmingly driven intensity.